You Are Missed Each & Every Moment ….

To my dear angel in ?heaven

I wake up in the morning
And I look up to the sky
I wonder why he took you
before I could say good-bye

Another year has come
and you are still so far away
You’re always in my heart
each and every day.

I realize that you’re gone
Then comes the fears and then the tears
And life just seems so wrong

I glance up at the heavens
And I know you’re flying by
My Angel is watching over me
And I am happy as I cry….

May 19th will never be the same for me and I struggle with how to mark the day . It has been 5 years since Sunil have passed on . Every May I approach this day with apprehension . I wonder why I still don’t understand that He will never come back to us . 5 years without the person who gave my life meaning and filled my heart with unimaginable amount of love.

None of us ever imagined having to say good-bye so soon, so suddenly .
Your death still takes my breath away and I still cannot get over the fact that you are not coming back to us . Should I ignore the day and just go to work like normal and hope it will be distracting? Should I take the day off and spend it hiding under the covers? Should I go spend the day with loved ones and rely on each other for support? Shouldn’t I be used to this by now? Each year, on this day, I reflect on what I have lost, what I have gained, and what I have learned since the last time I heard you call my name.

We loved the life we had with you. You were important to so many people & we miss you each and every day. The world isn’t the same without you . This day brings up so many emotions about our past and what our future may have been if you were here with us . Friend’s have asked me if I have “gotten over” your passing away . How do I explain it to them that I will never be able to “get over” you . I am trying to reconcile myself to it. I am trying to move forward in my life but it is not easy . Some days I sit and cry over wondering how I would get everything done and keep my life together? I realized I have to find a new normal for me without you in my life .

You are gone but I can still feel you around me . You can be found in laughter, especially the laughter of our children. I feel & see your determination and discipline in Victor . I see you in Vic’s love for math and computer skills . Shulin has started looking a lot like you and he has your smile and sense of humor. You are greatly loved and missed each and every day .

Each year on your anniversary , We plant a fruit tree in your memory . This year three of the trees have fruits in them .

We think of you, and We pray that your soul is at peace. We love you a lot and miss you each and every day & I am grateful that I had been loved and cherished by a really great guy like you ..

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9 comments

  1. Thank you for sharing that, being so open with your thoughts and feelings. I don’t think you need to worry about how you spend your day, the anniversary, do what feels right for you. My mother passed away four years ago, I havn’t forgotten, I celebrate her birthday each year with a cake and or a card or something, to celebrate the fact she was here, on the anniversary of her death, I spend time thinking, do something small to remember her, I try not to feel sad, its really impossible not to, I do cry yes, I cry at other times. Grief takes a long time especially when you see the person you lost in others, like your children. But though painful, what a wonder to see him live through them 🙂 Sending you huge hugs xx

  2. This is a beautiful tribute to your lost love. I can’t pretend to understand the grief you carry. It is wonderful that through your children, the memories remain strong. The planting of the fruit trees is a lovely tradition, especially now that they are bearing fruit. I wish you peace and happiness as you find the “new normal” in life. xoxo

  3. Shailja, I can’t even imagine what you have been going through. Hope God gives you the strength each and every day. God bless your kids with everything they deserve. I love the tradition of planting the fruit each year. Your post gave me goose bumps…

    Your blogger friend
    Sarika

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